Clearly, some people are single since they decide to be. They're not enthusiastic about being in a serious relationship at this time in their life. Others are single due to the circumstances of life. They could have just gotten out of a meaningful relationship or have dated relentlessly and just haven't found someone with whom they're truly compatible. The idea of this short article isn't to stereotype all single women or men or to put anyone in a box. However, for individuals, especially those over 30, who are looking for answers to the puzzling question “Why am I still single?” here are some unconventional answers that lie within.
I will write the reasons in pidgin English so it would flow as easy as can be.
1. DEFENSES
Many people always dey find problems for wetin them dey call “inter-personal relationships”. With time and all the pains wey them find for those relationships, them go come build wall to protect their heart. Most time self, no be boyfriend, girlfriend dey cause, na the way them grow up. If your mama or papa or person wey train you been dey show you oba, no surprise if you dey single. The reason be say you don build up one kind big wall, gidiga, and you go dey always suspect anybody wey show you care and love. Na so so run you go dey run when you feel say person don dey too show interest for your case.
Just open up yourself and comot all those fear if not, you go look for will of God tire, you no go see.
2. UNHEALTHY ATTRACTION
Because of the fear and defense wey you been don take cover your heart before, you go find yourself for bad relationship. You go see say you end up with partner wey no dey even feel you at all. This thing sha no be your fault, as I take talk am for the first reason, I go talk am again. When you realize say person don too show you love, you go begin wan change but e no easy. You go look your self for mirror dey talk say “I too fine?” “You sure say him love me?”
Just loosen yourself, brother, sister, if no be now, na when? All your friends go marry leave you oo.
3. FEAR OF INTIMACY
I know say many people go think say na Nairaland Spambot change this thing to intimacy, for where. Na me write am like that. Many people dey always talk am for their mind say them wan find loving partner but when we come see as real love be like we go begin wonder. Why? Because of those things wey you don dey imagine since wey you dey small be love. You don too read romantic novels, watch enough Indian Bollywood films and Naija jaga-jaga film to think say na so e be. Just chill, love dey more complicated. No run because you think say love no be wetin you plan am to be, flow with the tide.
A word dey enough o, make you no begin meet prophets wey go chop you or chop your money in the name of say you think say people dey follow you from village.
4. PICKINESS
This one na the baba of all the yanings. Because of how we carry grow up, how we dey take fear intimacy and how our defense strong pass kiri-kiri maximum prison, we go begin dey do chose-chose. One of my female friends tell me about one man wey dey follow am. Kai, she say the man dey drive keke-napep (Miss Yuzedo) and although the man funny and dey caring, she feel say him no get money. Naija girls, when them go ever realize say no be all about the money? Na so she carry herself go look for other people wey she feel say fit settle her needs. Where she end up? She end up with men wey wan collect only kpekus and no just dey emotionally attached to her.
No surprise if you see woman wey fine and never marry upon say many men dey carry jeep come look for her. I just tell you wetin dey happen behind those tinted screens.
5. LOW SELF ESTEEM
This one bad gan. Many people want relationship wey go sweet their belle but them dey always feel say nobody dey for this world wey go look their face. Hiiaannnn… What non-sense. You never see mad woman dey waka for road with belle before? Who give am the belle? Forget all those talks about ritualists and look am from this concept. If man preek fit rise for mad woman, what about you wey feel say you worwor? Next time you see who you like, make that eye contact, show am love and gbosa, him go propose to you. If you allow low self-esteem kill you, God go question you for judgment day. Remember, Bible self say, “I am wonderfully and fearfully created.” The wonderful and the fearful ones know themselves.
Paint your face, wear your best smile if not you go die single and at worst self, worwor with no taste of real love.
6. FEAR OF COMPETITION
When you no get self-esteem, na wetin remain? You go begin fear competition. When you see person dey talk to your babe, na so your mind go dey beat gbim, gbim, gbim. This thing don happen to many people, both man and woman but na man own dey pain pass. Forget say the guy fit fine pass you, your babe get wetin she dey see inside you. But ladies, if you catch your boyfriend dey talk to another girl, just look for acid pour am. Though I no support violence sha, if the babe fine pass you, just up your game.
Ever wondered why your girlfriend catches you then decided to tease you with that sexy lingerie?
7. ISOLATION AND ROUTINE
As you dey grow older, na so you go dey retreat further and further into yourself. Nowadays self, women dey hammer pass man as them don sabi say hustling dey pay wella. Whenever una come back from work, una go just decide to eat, drink wine then sleep instead of going out to meet man. E no cool at all, forget wetin that inner voice dey tell una. Marriage fit no be by force but nature go always compel you to do wetin dey right.
Burst that bolon-bolo wey you carry cover yourself, old age and being unmarried bad oo.
8. RULE-MAKING
This one na im be the crux of the whole matter. As person start to dey grow old, dey hammer, dey relax, na so them go begin create rules and regulation. Imagine say you meet woman, she go first size then bring out one kind long list of rules carry give you. Omo, na old age go hold you o. All those rules wey you dey make, dey speak phoney join go enter devil backyard. “My man must be this, he must be that” or “My woman must know how to do this, most know how to do that.” Make una dey there dey make the rules, na singleness una go dey court till trumpet go sound.
Rules na to govern people o, but sometimes, that same rule fit enslave you.
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All done and said, I will leave you guys to apply all the advise I dished out to you all as per the Doctor I am in women affairs. Stay mingled.
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