Dearest Omo Oodua Readers: I'd 5 abortions for him, now I may be barren, Pls help

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 I dated this nincompoop for four years and in  that four years, I'd five abortions for him. The final abortion was particularly traumatic. We broke up four years ago and in just a year he was married to someone else. He has two kids along with his wife who is a co-worker he cheated on me with. I moved up with my entire life and fortunately met a good guy in 2012. I married him in early 2013 and one year later I haven't gotten pregnant yet. I went to see a doctor in December last year and after carrying out tests he asked me if I'd ever had an abortion. 


I initially lied but owned up after I realized how serious it was. A doctor said that I may have destroyed element of my womb but will keep treating me and I ought to be hopeful. I know that my ex and his wife are expectant of their third child and this makes me very angry. I may never have the ability to have children and the explanation for all that is living a fulfilling life. Short of experiencing him killed, I don't know very well what else to do. The anger I feel inside is immense and I'm gradually losing my sanity.

 I wrote a mail to my ex and copied his wife explaining what was going on with me, and they both ignored me. Just how do I forgive this man and myself? There's nothing I want significantly more than to be always a mum. I'm losing sight of my mind and I am so bitter. Can anyone help.