‘I
think I realised I had a problem when I was walking back to the house
of a man that had physically hurt me badly in the act of séx, and I was
willingly about to give myself up to him again.
Despite
being terrified and it making me tremble and sick, I somehow couldn’t
stop myself, I had to have my fix.’ Becky says in a recent interview."
Continue after the break.
‘Afterwards
I felt used, I hated myself for what I had done, but that didn’t stop
me. Married, attached, fathers, brothers of other conquests, it made no
difference the more screwed up the better in the heat of the moment –
the higher the rush, and the deeper the low.’ She continues.
‘It
wasn’t just men, it was pórn, dangerous séx, exhibitionism, everything
was just séx, séx, séx, which meant just about anything that could give
me that high. The more intense, the more I needed, like it wasn’t
enough, I had become desénsitised to it.’
Séx
addiction is a hotly debated topic on which psychologists simply cannot
agree. An addiction originally referred to a chemical dependence on a
substance that had physical and psychological effects. ‘Behavioural’
addictions, for example to gambling, shopping or séx, are more open to
interpretation as they cannot be scientifically understood.
Séx
does create chemical reactions within us and some psychologists believe
that this can create a sort of semi-physical dependency as well as the
behavioural element to this particular ‘addiction’.
It
is quite commonly agreed that an addiction is present when a person
cannot easily stop something, even when not stopping is detrimental to
their lives. In Becky’s case she explains that her need for séx was
creating very real difficulties for her.
‘It
was affecting other areas of my life, my self esteem, the relationships
I had with my friends and my family, who by the way could see what I
had become, but I was determined I was in control.’ She explains.
When
asked why she felt the need to behave this way Becky tells us ‘It
really was like a drug, the adrénaline, the fear, the ‘buzz’ was
intense, then the low afterwards was just like a comedown, yet séx
seemed to be the only way I felt appreciated or ‘good’ at something.’
Although
it is more common for men to admit to séxual addictions, and some of
these ‘addictions’ surface only when an indiscretion has forced someone
to look at their inappropriate behaviour, there are women like Becky who
are finally coming out of the shadows and discussing this issue.
‘I
know where it stems from (Becky refers to abuse in her childhood she
does not want to discuss), but even with the knowledge it’s not as
simple as just stopping a pattern of behaviour, I had to change
everything including the way I looked at myself.’
Thankfully
Becky is now in a stable and loving relationship and has received
counselling. Although her darkest days are behind her she admits ‘I am
learning everything from scratch, relationships, boundaries, and my own
values. It isn’t easy but when you love someone you do change, I have
always been able to do things for other people that I cannot do for
myself.’
‘I
still place very high value on séx, I need to feel wanted in that way
or my world falls down, if my husband say’s ‘not tonight’ I feel like
it’s the end of the world, but hey I am finally having great, fun,
non-dangerous séx, I want as much as I can get!’ She sums up.
People
can change their behaviours and addictions can be overcome. Becky had
counselling that she say’s ‘really helped’ her but agreed that the
biggest change came from within. If you are struggling with your desires
and think you need help please see our resources below.
Source: Mental Healthy
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