I'm a man age 24 doing my Masters in the United Kingdom. For the sake of confidentiality you may call me Ben. I reside in a flat consisting of 4 males with their respective rooms.
One is definitely an elder and he's accountable for my admission here. He influenced my parents to have me to study here. He also assisted in loaning some part of my tuition in order to bring me here (UK). This plan of action took two year to be performed including my final year and my NYSC.
Continue..
I left Nigeria couple of weeks to my passing out parade (POP). Even, if at the time they thought it won't be possible financially. This explains his vested interest to me. He's Yoruba and I'm Igbo. He is a younger colleague in my own parent's place of work.
I observed I've this resentment towards him for no concrete reason. Although, I actually do feel he smothers me. He's a great gentleman. I recently find it too difficult to flow with him. Which he's observed too. Sometimes, he mentions in my experience he loves me and doesn't hate me (this might be as a result of my body gestures when he's around).
My concern is this. Does this have related to my personality or something different? I've displayed this'attitude'to an uncle I once lived with. But, the event surrounding that's quite different though. In case I must explain myself for critiquing.
(1) I am very secretive. I could die without your knowing. Only my Mum understands me better. There was a time I had depression right under his nose. That, I started having thoughts of suicide. Although, he suspected but never knew it degenerated to such an extent.
(2) I am not in any relationship. I have not been in a complete relationship. I am always not giving myself completely.
(3) Most times, I fear for no concrete reason.
(4) I can't say I have a confidant as a friend.
(5) I am a Christian and my prayer life has deteriorated.
(6) When angry I keep to myself. When afraid I keep to myself.
(7) I think I have this ego thing in me.
(8) I am selfish.
Please where, I think you (readers) might come in is to suggest ways to work on this relationship and change myself for a better person. Thanks
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