While searching for a partner, bear in mind that not all couples may end up as “happily married thereafter.” A happy marriage is not defined by the absence of conflict but by the level of its success. A successful marriage is a system by which two people who are imperfect are caught up with a dream bigger than themselves, that they work on throughout the years in spite of repeated disappointments, conflicts and troubles, wanting to make the dream come through.
Success in marriage depends largely on the couple’s ‘personality fit’ and this cannot usually be discovered until the wedding is over and the couple are faced with the reality of the marriage...
Success in marriage depends largely on the couple’s ‘personality fit’ and this cannot usually be discovered until the wedding is over and the couple are faced with the reality of the marriage...
When an individual develops personality and character that will enhance the building of a strong home, the search for Mr. Right usually ends well. No matter how carefully prepared we are for marriage, we cannot predict everything. Unexpected situations may pop up with annoying frequency, forcing us to change our plans. Just the facts of two completely different people coming together as one will inevitably call for flexibility. Be adaptable and expect the unexpected. Consider it as an opportunity to grow, to move in a direction you might never have thought of.
Some problems cannot be solved, but absorbed, so singles preparing for marriage need the ability to identify and analyse problems, propose and choose a possible solution, and follow it through. They will be able to solve most problems this way, and will learn to walk around the ones they can’t solve. The important thing is being committed to dealing with problems, not walking away from them. They should also develop emotional stability, meaning that they should be able to control their emotions. It means bridling their temper and not making excuses for immature emotional outbursts. Occasional loss of control is human, but a pattern reveals a deeper problem. Anyone who constantly flies off the handle and then says, “I can’t help myself” is not being honest. If that is truly the case, the person need help. The problem is not a matter of being unable but the matter of being unwilling.
Emotional stability means being willing and able to accept responsibility for our feelings, words and actions. In marriage it may not always be pleasant. It would not always be easy, it may be a struggle at times but with commitment in view, it will always be worthwhile and inside our struggles lays our strengths.
The price of greatness is responsibility; before you step into marriage you must be able to understand the word, “commitment.” This is a vital mark of love. When it comes to preparing for marriage you need to know and embrace wholehearted commitment. It is not enough to be in love but to be committed enough in the relationship. Commitment will make a couple want to stay together through good and bad times, to be a pillar of strength to each other, come what may. This sense of commitment will make each partner feel more secure. That is why it is very important not to get involved in a relationship until that unmarried person has passed the stage of youthful bloom – the period when séxual feelings run strong and can distort one’s judgment. Many singles change rapidly in almost all things, in values, desires, and focus as they grow up and many young people who marry early out of infatuation find out that after marriage their desires change. Such may regret their initial choice of partner which will invariably lead to temptations and flirtations.
Some problems cannot be solved, but absorbed, so singles preparing for marriage need the ability to identify and analyse problems, propose and choose a possible solution, and follow it through. They will be able to solve most problems this way, and will learn to walk around the ones they can’t solve. The important thing is being committed to dealing with problems, not walking away from them. They should also develop emotional stability, meaning that they should be able to control their emotions. It means bridling their temper and not making excuses for immature emotional outbursts. Occasional loss of control is human, but a pattern reveals a deeper problem. Anyone who constantly flies off the handle and then says, “I can’t help myself” is not being honest. If that is truly the case, the person need help. The problem is not a matter of being unable but the matter of being unwilling.
Emotional stability means being willing and able to accept responsibility for our feelings, words and actions. In marriage it may not always be pleasant. It would not always be easy, it may be a struggle at times but with commitment in view, it will always be worthwhile and inside our struggles lays our strengths.
The price of greatness is responsibility; before you step into marriage you must be able to understand the word, “commitment.” This is a vital mark of love. When it comes to preparing for marriage you need to know and embrace wholehearted commitment. It is not enough to be in love but to be committed enough in the relationship. Commitment will make a couple want to stay together through good and bad times, to be a pillar of strength to each other, come what may. This sense of commitment will make each partner feel more secure. That is why it is very important not to get involved in a relationship until that unmarried person has passed the stage of youthful bloom – the period when séxual feelings run strong and can distort one’s judgment. Many singles change rapidly in almost all things, in values, desires, and focus as they grow up and many young people who marry early out of infatuation find out that after marriage their desires change. Such may regret their initial choice of partner which will invariably lead to temptations and flirtations.
Romantic ecstasy is primarily and mainly a hormonal trip after the first few months of séxual ecstasy you may be fed up with the relationship; for séx alone does not maintain or sustain a union. There are all possible indications that if you cannot take care of your séxual passion as a single before marriage you will not be able to handle your séxual gratification when married. This will likely blow your mind to know that from statistic the married are more tempted than the single.
Premarital séx does not strengthen any meaningful relationship, but rather breaks up couples in courtship, because the couple who get involved in premarital séx is less likely to marry each other than if they stay single.
It may be a struggle to control oneself until marriage but it’s worth it; and most worthwhile things come with a struggle.
You can be intimate with your espoused partner and not relate séxually. Intimacy is not only séxual but also emotional and intellectual. Do not confuse séx with love. Love may begin with séx appeal at times, and while physical attraction is important for total intimacy it is not the sum total of love. Séx and séxual desire are biological but what a human being craves is the warmth and closeness of a loving relationship.
Most singles are deceived by the thought that séx is a fundamental need like the desire for air, water, food or love; No! A need is defined as an element which if denied will result in physical and psychological damage.
By FUNMI AKINGBADE
(cafi.punch@yahoo.com)
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