May be the ‘once a cheat, always a cheat'belief true? If your partner's cheated once, have you been wrong to trust them again? The solution isn't as clear cut as it first appears because people cheat for different reasons.
If you're trying to decide whether your partner deserves another chance, an even more helpful question to ask is why did they cheat in the initial place.
Some individuals cheat to get their partner's attention. If their partner's a workaholic or unavailable for them, being caught with someone else is a method of saying ‘Hey, if you adore me, pay attention to me!'.
‘Payback cheating'can also be common. If you've cheated previously or done something different to hurt your partner, they could retaliate to get even.Continue
Has it simply happened before? A true serial cheater will often see nothing wrong with being unfaithful.
If your partner's been desperately wanting to inform you they're unhappy although not feeling heard, cheating might well be a cry for help (albeit no advisable solution to flag up relationship problems).
Even though you don't decide to forgive, cheating for these reasons is entirely different than ‘opportunistic'cheating: not turning down a low-risk opportunity simply because monogamy doesn't supply the erotic charge that new flesh delivers.
Wanting to predict whether your partner will cheat again?
Think about these questions: What's their cheating history? If they've cheated on every person they've ever been out with and been forgiven for doing so, why as long as they stop?
It may cause you problems, but it's working for them. A true serial cheater will often see nothing wrong with being unfaithful.
When caught, they'll either get angry and inform you it's none of your company - which makes it better to leave - or turn on the tears and blame their past, making (false) promises they'll reform. They won't.
If your partner includes a history of being unfaithful and forgiven or they've used it to you repeatedly, they'll probably continue steadily to cheat.
The thing that was their state of the connection? If your relationship's in tatters - you're not communicating well and arguing bitterly - it's easier to comprehend and forgive than if someone cheats when you've just return from a blissfully, loved-up holiday in the Caribbean.
What type of person is your partner? Is this out of character for them? Are they otherwise kind and loving?
Do you have children together? If you do, there's clearly more incentive to try to work it out.
Is your relationship worth fighting for? Perhaps you have been limping along for a time now, without real joy left? Or is this a terrible but genuine mistake in a normally solid relationship?
Even though you don't decide to forgive, cheating for these reasons is entirely different than ‘opportunistic'cheating: not turning down a low-risk opportunity simply because monogamy doesn't supply the erotic charge that new flesh delivers.
Wanting to predict whether your partner will cheat again?
Think about these questions: What's their cheating history? If they've cheated on every person they've ever been out with and been forgiven for doing so, why as long as they stop?
It may cause you problems, but it's working for them. A true serial cheater will often see nothing wrong with being unfaithful.
When caught, they'll either get angry and inform you it's none of your company - which makes it better to leave - or turn on the tears and blame their past, making (false) promises they'll reform. They won't.
If your partner includes a history of being unfaithful and forgiven or they've used it to you repeatedly, they'll probably continue steadily to cheat.
The thing that was their state of the connection? If your relationship's in tatters - you're not communicating well and arguing bitterly - it's easier to comprehend and forgive than if someone cheats when you've just return from a blissfully, loved-up holiday in the Caribbean.
What type of person is your partner? Is this out of character for them? Are they otherwise kind and loving?
Do you have children together? If you do, there's clearly more incentive to try to work it out.
Is your relationship worth fighting for? Perhaps you have been limping along for a time now, without real joy left? Or is this a terrible but genuine mistake in a normally solid relationship?
If your partner's been desperately wanting to inform you they're unhappy although not feeling heard, cheating might well be a cry for help, argues Tracey
How sorry are they for betraying you? Do they accept simply how much they've hurt you and genuinely want to produce it your responsibility?
If you select your partner is worth taking the danger on again, have a long, hard look at that last sentence and ensure the clear answer is yes.
The issue with giving second chances is this: as soon as you forgive bad behaviour, you effectively condone it.
It must be absolutely clear that if you find out they've cheated again, you'll walk without questions asked.
If you've already done this and it's a repeat offence, walk now.
If you select your partner is worth taking the danger on again, have a long, hard look at that last sentence and ensure the clear answer is yes.
The issue with giving second chances is this: as soon as you forgive bad behaviour, you effectively condone it.
It must be absolutely clear that if you find out they've cheated again, you'll walk without questions asked.
If you've already done this and it's a repeat offence, walk now.
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